Stands With A Fist

January 2 of this New Year found me on my Peloton racing people I don’t know from all over the world, but internally I was in another race. My mind was filled with memories of the past: failures, mistakes, and other events that I had no control over. I was fighting old battles in my head. Truly much good has occurred in my life, and I am ever grateful for that; yet the memories that haunt can feel like the weight of the world. Isn’t it a peculiar thing that the bad can feel bigger?

In the movie Dances With Wolves, Mary McDonnell plays the character Stands with A Fist; she is brought to live with the Native Americans after a traumatic event and they name her for the way they find her. Lieutenant Dunbar, played by Kevin Costner eventually breaks through to her and a romantic twist is played out.

I have often felt like Stands with A Fist; always prepared for a fight, thinking that there is going to be something that I will have to fight alone. Lord knows how strained my cortisol and adrenaline have been. They have been so high for so long that when they come back to normal they will think I’m ignoring them!

It was brought to my attention recently that I have been double thinking; I know that Jesus is on my side and that He will protect me but I thought He needed me to fight. How is it that I think I have to fight when Jesus is ever present? It’s a lie that I have believed for much of my life; I actually cannot remember a time I didn’t believe it. Yet I am now realizing that I have held tight to that lie like a security blanket. In my mind I’ve been acting like a toddler carrying a load of dishes that is way to heavy, causing me to be off balance and stumble, all the while saying “me do it.”

Scripture refers to God as being jealous (Exodus 20:5, 34:14; Deuteronomy 4:24, 6:15) and a jealous lover (James 4:5). Indeed, He sent His Son to die on the cross for our sins so that we could be made right through Him. That was just the beginning! God is our Bridegroom. He is the supernatural romantic twist in our life story and He calls us by who He created us to be, not as He finds us. God is daily with us, willing to fight our battles for us, we only need to let Him. To me, that is what fighting the good fight is about. Setting my mind to allow God to dwell in me and then stepping aside, trusting Him do His work.

As you wrap up this week, I pray that you can reflect on what this means for you. Are you ready to release your grasp on long held lies? Lies that bind, lies that persecute and lies that leave you feeling shame, abandonment and insignificant. May you allow the Bridegroom to take His place and find rest in His sweet assurance.

“But the Lord is with me like a violent warrior. Therefore, my persecutors will stumble and not prevail.” Jeremiah 20:11a (Christian Standard Bible)

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